What I Wish I Knew As A College Freshman

We all know the saying "hindsight is 20/20". After something is over we have a better understanding of the events that played out. It's kind of like we have this video that we can playback and watch over and over, analyzing every little thing that went right or wrong. I've had several experiences that are like videos that are on repeat in my mind, whether it be significant events like past relationships or even to smaller more miniscule things like an outfit choice.

"Why did I say that?"

"Did I handle that situation well with my significant other?"

"Why did I ever think that wearing that was a good idea?"

Those mental videos of past life events bring with them so many questions and if you are like me you wish that somebody had grabbed you by the shoulders, given you a good shake, and had knocked some sense into you so that maybe you could have avoided such heartache.

For most people, their 20s brings with it a heap of mental videos, reminding us of past woes. It's no surprise that college and life in your 20s is what some people claim as the best time in one's life. However, college/your 20s also brings a massive helping of regrets and "what ifs". For me, some of my biggest regrets/what ifs include, but are not limited to:

Was I as open as I should of been to new friendships in college?

What if I had moved out of my hometown for college?

I wish I had more discipline when it comes to exercise.

What if I had changed my major from education that time I was having doubts?

Thankfully, with credit given to wonderful friends, family and faith, I will be graduating from college in a few short months and will begin my career in elementary special education. As any educator knows, reflection is a substantial component to teaching; we reflect on our students strengths/weaknesses, how well our instruction impacted our students, and what changes need to be made for future lessons. Basically, I am a trained reflection-er. Outside of the classroom, I have also been reflecting on my life in college. In an attempt to help incoming freshmen from having the same mental videos with regrets/what ifs that I and so many other people have had to endure, I have compiled a list of things I wish someone had told me as I entered my first year at university. So this is me grabbing you by the shoulders, giving you a good shake, and knocking some sense into you.

1) Understand that change is inevitable.

Change can be refreshing but it most certainly can be scary. Change is unknown and mysterious and if you are like me, you like to have control over situations. Not knowing what will happen loosens your grip on what you can control. However, change cannot be avoided. Your friendships change, your outlook on life changes, your body changes (sorry but it's true; high school skinny and the freshman fifteen are definitely a thing.. just warning you), and even your living situation may change. Everyone around you is also dealing with life changes. It's all just part of growing up!

2) Make effort for the people you care about.

College brings on a new sense of the word "busy". I always thought I had a super busy life in high school having to balance my school work, band practice, social life, and a part-time job. However, college-busy is a whole new demon. It's easy to get caught up in your hectic schedule, focusing solely on maintaining your sanity. However, no one is too busy to make time for the people he or she cares about. In high school I was blessed with three amazing girl friends and we confide in each other practically daily even today. School and career choices have placed us in different cities but we all make time to nurture and maintain our close bond. Like I noted above, change is inevitable. You will be setting yourself up for failure if you think your friend-dynamic is exempt from change. My close friends and I have an understanding that our lives are changing and so far the long distance between us has yet to impact the strength of our friendship. The same concept applies to your family. Make time for your parents and other loved ones. Your momma and daddy need some loving too!

3) Be inquisitive.

Growing up, I was the type of kid that would rather suffer silently than speak up. Don't be that kind of college kid! If you are unsure about something, don't be afraid to voice your question. In my teaching experience, I love when my students ask questions. From the teacher perspective, it shows that the student is thoughtful and cares about the his or her work. This is also true for college professors. Your professors are going to be less willing to help you if you slack off, procrastinate, and show little to no interest during majority of the class duration. If you start off eager to learn and inquisitive, your professors are going to be impressed by your willingness to learn and be more inclined to help you if you find yourself in a tough situation. Being inquisitive also transcends into getting involved on campus. Have you always wondered what it's like to be a part of Greek life? Student Government? Campus ministries? Try it! Everyone starting college feels nervous so don't be afraid to put yourself out there to meet new people and try new things.

4) Invest time in your body, soul, and mind.

As cliché as this point may sound, it is oh so important to make time to take care of your physical self, your mental self, and your spirituality. All three of these things play a vital role in your well-being and if you aren't taking care of yourself in all three areas then you aren't able to fully commit to your studies. It's important not to focus on one area and dismiss the others. My freshman year of college I was a Lionette in the university's marching band. Being a Lionette meant I had to maintain a low body fat percentage so I committed myself to the gym and was on a very strict diet. To this day, being a Lionette is one of my most proud accomplishments, but I also look back at that season of my life and see how unhappy I was. I put so much emphasis on my physical self and ignored my mental self and spirituality. Though that time I was in the best shape of my life, I did not enjoy or appreciate my figure or how in shape I was because mentally I was completely drained feeling hopeless/self-conscious/anxious/exhausted and I was not investing time to focus on my relationship with God. Even though now I am entering my ninth (and final) semester of college a few pounds heavier and a lot less in shape than my Lionette-self, I am living a more balanced life because I make time for all three aspects: body, mind, and soul. Don't get me wrong... I would LOVE to be in the shape I was during band, but I don't ever want to sacrifice my mind and soul to get there again because I've been a victim to my own self-destruction.

5) It's okay to not have it all together.

Don't be scared if you do not find your place right away. There is no timeline for when you are suppose to have everything together. I was blessed to know from a young age that I wanted to be a teacher, however I had a lot of doubt on my career choice as I entered my sophomore year of college. I feared not being a great teacher; I didn't just want to be adequate or good like so many subpar teachers I had had in the past. I feared not finding a job and feeling completely helpless. During that time of uncertainty, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I asked God for physical justification on my career choice and He definitely provided that justification for me to stick to teaching. People came along my path that granted me reassurance in my major. Though I have always been an education major, I've known people that have changed their plan multiple times. One of my best friends changed her major several times, switching from history to political science to education to her final choice of public relations. Even though it took her awhile to find her niche, she graduated in 4 years and got an amazing job doing what she loves. Feeling confused on life? Pray about it and confide in the people you love who keep you accountable.

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Freshman me with some of my Lionette friends

Current me with my college bestie and former roommate at her wedding

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Jeremiah 29:11

Bachelorette Banter: Part II

Last night confirmed it: Jojo is going to be an amazing bachelorette! 

Typical to The Bachelor/ette formula: the first episode presented the usual anticipation-building moments leading up to meeting the men and Jojo getting to size them up.

I downloaded an app called FansPlay that is literally like fantasy football but for Bachelorette contestants (because watching this show is basically like a sport, right?). With the app, you rank three contestants, solely based off of their profile bios. For each week that your selected contestants receive a rose from Jojo, you get a certain amount of points. Before watching last night's premier I chose the following guys as the best suitors for Jojo:

#3: Jonathon (aka man in kilt) 

I totally regret choosing Jonathon as one of my top three fellas after having to witness the terrible "no panties" joke he said to Jojo when he got out of the limo. Wearing the kilt, I thought, was neat! It definitely made him stand out and was a good conversation starter about his heritage. But Jonathon, c'mon, bud... you had to totally ruin it with the inappropriate joke. *sigh*

I chose Jonathon as my #3 guy for Jojo because he seemed to have a really silly sense of humor. In his bio, he even gives credit to his sense of humor as being one of his best attributes. One of his favorite movies is also Toy Story 3 so I thought for sure this guy had to be cool if he had a love for Disney! JoJo's sense of humor seems really laid-back and fun-loving so I thought Jonathon's sense of humor would be a good match (but obviously I was wrong.)

I also liked how Jonathon included in his profile bio that his greatest accomplishment to date was buying and renovating a house on his own. Jojo, who is in the real estate business, would be all for that! Jonathon should saved the crude humor for another time, used the kilt as a conversation starter about his upbringing, and maybe bring up real-estate stuff since that is something Jojo is knowledgeable about.

#2: Alex (attractive, yet short, Marine) 

Based off of looks, I think Alex and Jojo would look great together! I was a little surprised about his height, but up against Jojo it doesn't seem so bad.

Alex being in the military is a HUGE plus. Any man willing to serve his country is an attractive trait. It also shows he's a hard working, trustworthy individual. I chose Alex as one of my top guys because based off of his profile, he seemed to have a strong sense of himself, just like Jojo. After watching last night's episode, I'm still rooting for Alex. I think he will be in some of the season's drama, but (hopefully) he will handle it all with grace. We shall see!

#1: Chad (the bully /"bad boy") 

I was about to LOSE it hearing him complain the entire night. He proved himself to be a stereotypical bully and I am so sad I chose him as my number one pick for Jojo!

Before watching the premier, I picked Chad for several reasons:

a. He's a luxury real estate agent. Since Jojo is involved with real-estate I figured they'd have plenty of common ground interests to talk about.

b. He's an ex-Marine, so like Alex he seems like a hard-working, trustworthy guy.

c. He seemed laid-back and chill. Jojo is someone that is relatable so I thought Chad's self-described "laid-back" nature would be a good fit for Jojo's personality.

I think we will definitely be seeing a lot more from Chad this season. The previews for this season seemed to have Chad in the middle of most of the drama. Jojo says in the previews that she is really drawn to Chad and calls him the "bad boy" type. Booo. Don't do it, Jojo!

 For my fantasy league sake, I hope Chad sticks around. For Jojo's sake, I hope she isn't blinded by his charm and sees how he is a bully to the other guys. She talked about how she felt drawn to Chad, but honestly.... I just didn't see it. He immediately just annoyed me. Sorry, Chad.

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Here are my top three picks for Jojo after watching last night's premier: 

#3: Wells (aka man with the acapella-entourage) 

Wasn't Wells just adorable?? I'm not sure if I see Jojo with a DJ, but props to Wells for bringing the acapella group! She obviously really loved it and it made a great, lasting first impression. Kinda wish the singers left once the cocktail hour started.. It was sweet and cute when he first got out of the limo but when they started singing again once Wells and Jojo got some one-on-one time, I was over it. 

#2: Alex (attractive, yet short, Marine) 

I just get a good vibe from Alex! It was kinda a turn off when he started doing push-ups, but hey, Jojo seemed to like it so that's all that matters! 

#1: Jordan (ex-football player / winner of the first impression rose) 

Jordan was great right from the get-go! He was relaxed yet comfortable in his own skin and didn't rely just on corny gimmicks. It was no surprise Jojo gave him the first impression rose. But... #tbt to last season when Ben gave Olivia the first impression rose... we all know how that ended. I'm hoping Jordan continues being a gentlemen but I have a feeling that he is going to be the center of a lot of this season's drama. Don't let me down, Jordan!!  

Bachelorette Banter: Part I

I treat watching The Bachelor/Bachelorette like how some people watch a playoff game. I am glued to the TV, I am constantly tweeting my thoughts (always using #TheBachelor, of course), I cheer, I fist bump, etc. So in conclusion, I am a HUGE Bachelor fan. After watching each week's episode, I like to read various blogs to see the thoughts other avid viewers express. As the new season of The Bachelorette approaches, I decided to attempt (key word: attempt) to share some of my thoughts on each week's episode to add to the craziness that is Bachelor Nation.

This is the first Bachelorette season that I am OH SO excited to watch pan out on the screen. JoJo was definitely one of my favorite contestants on Ben Higgin's season because of her authentic and relateable nature; who didn't want to be her best friend after watching her on TV?? In the spirit of a new season approaching, I compiled a list of things that make JoJo a top-notch human being and bachelorette:

1. She values friendship.

Truth be told, though I really really liked JoJo, I didn't anticipate Ben choosing her; she seemed more like a best buddy to him. BUT I love when relationships have that "friendly" nature to them. I think partners ought to have a strong sense of friendship and companionship to accompany the romantic relationship. That is something I really admire about previous bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe and her fiance Shawn Booth. (If you don't already follow their Snapchat accounts, I highly recommend it! @snapbackbean @shawn_booth) They are so funny and appear to have a strong sense of friendship that only makes their relationship together stronger. I think we will be seeing this same emphasis on aspects of friendship with JoJo and her relationships with the men. On Ben's season, JoJo approached her and Ben's relationship with a laid-back, judgement-free vibe that is often evident between groups of friends. She wanted him to feel open to talk to her about the good/the bad/the ugly/weirdly hilarious/gross/uncomfortable things and vise versa because life presents the good/the bad/the ugly/weirdly hilarious/gross/uncomfortable things. If you are going to do life with someone else, you have to be comfortable approaching uncomfortable topics. Often time Ben would confide in her things that he felt he couldn't express to the other women. Not many people have the ability to make people feel at ease like she did with Ben.

2. She doesn't avoid the tough questions. 

During Ben's season, JoJo was one of the only women that dived into some pretty tough questions. If Ben Higgins confessed his love to me, I don't know if I would be level-headed enough to question his feelings (because I would be on Cloud-9, ya feel me?). Even in a moment as perfect as when Ben first said those three words to JoJo, JoJo was able to keep a leveled head and dive deeper into his love declaration. It would be easy to take his words and run with it, but she was able to articulate her concerns. She knew the rules of the show and how what he said went against them. She knew that their were other women still there too (cough, cough.. Lauren B.) so he could either a) truly love her and not have those same feelings with other women b) have said the same thing to other people like Lauren B. (which we all know he did). She called him out on it and wanted an explanation as to why he loved her. She has the ability to confront tough topics and ask questions that seem to be the elephant in the room. I think this quality will be great when approaching relationships with all the guys. Don't think you can pull a fast one on JoJo, fellas! 

3. She knows who she is as an individual. 

JoJo knows what she wants in a life partner. Her honesty and transparency make it evident that she knows who she is as a woman. One thing that I find admirable about her is that on Ben's season, she made friends with the girls in the house and was what I like to call a "girl's girl". When I see contestants berate and start drama with the other women, I think it has a lot to do with insecurities that have been bottled up. JoJo avoided bringing other women down in an attempt to get closer to Ben. She knows who she is as an individual and doesn't let stressers like being one of several women dating a guy on television (totally normal, right?) influence who she is and what she believes in. 

4. She handles tough situations with grace. 

JoJo has had her heartbroken in ways that men and women around the world can totally relate to. She went through a tough break up before the show, and still put herself out there, open to the possibility of love again. During Ben's season, her previous boyfriend tried to contact her and she didn't let his negative energy mask her relationship with Ben and optimism of this new-found love. When Ben did not see a future with JoJo, she didn't dwell on the situation. She was honest about needing time to heal (like any normal person) and took her relationship with Ben and used it as a lesson and tool to help her with future relationships. When people break our hearts, it is easy to stomp their name in the mud, dwell on all the things that went wrong, and develop a sense of negativity towards relationships as a whole. JoJo, however, handled her breakup with Ben with great poise and grace and did not let it taint her feelings toward finding love in the future. 

5. She has the best sense of style. 

So this reason may be very materialistic, but we cannot ignore the fact that JoJo's style is always on point. Here are some of my favorite looks of hers to prove my point: 

What 2015 Taught Me: Words of Wisdom From A Not-So-Wise Twenty Something Year Old

New Year's resolutions are notorious for being broken, therefore instead of making any for the 2016 year I decided to reflect on what 2015 has taught me instead. Fifty years from now when my young adult grandkids say "Hey grandma! What are some wise sayings that you learned in your twenties that will help us on our trek to adulthood?" I will be able to share them the following sentiments:

1.) There is no one on this Earth as loyal as your dog.

Acquaintance: "Hey, Rebecca. You haven't posted any pictures of Eddie today. Is everything alright?"

I am not at all embarrassed that my obsessive snapchat pictures of my dog is
 the center of most conversations throughout my day. Eddie is just awesome. Even when I accidentally step on his tail, he still wants to cuddle and watch Parks and Rec reruns with me. He also let's me dress him in ridiculous outfits and let's me make him dance Sean Paul's "Shake That Thing" without even one complaint. He listens to my constant ranting, terrible singing, and bad jokes yet still thinks I'm the coolest person that has ever graced the planet. Is there a human that will do all those things? Nope. 

Note: I am thoroughly convinced Eddie is a human reincarnated into a dog's body. 

2.) Taking care of your body is just as important as taking care of your mind and your soul. 

Being a college student taking 18+ hours of senior level classes while also working a part-time job and teaching dance made me appreciate taking naps more than ever before. I found myself closing my eyes for a short 10 minute snooze in between classes and jobs just to keep my sanity. In those (rare) quiet moments, praying also brought a sense of peace. However, I found myself forgetting to take care of my physical self. Though my scale didn't waver, my clothes began to fit differently and my confidence began diminishing as well. To fully take care of myself I learned I needed to devote time to nurture myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Being on campus starting at 8:00am, eating lunch on my way to work, leaving work at 7:30pm to then be welcomed home by the reality of hours of homework and an empty stomach did not warrant for much time to exercise. I am still working on taking better care of my physical self but 2015 taught me that taking care of my physical self should be just as valued as nurturing my mind and soul.

3.) Living back home with your parents is a blessing not a curse. 

I decided to go to a college in the same town I grew up in. When deciding on where to attend, I chose this university because it was "affordable" (Note: the word "affordable" and "college" don't really go together but this school is more "affordable" than others) and has a terrific accredited education program. I remember comparing myself to my other friends who were moving away for school. Though I was happy with my decision to stay in town for college, I couldn't shrug away the lingering feeling of jealousy I felt because I too wanted to live on my own in a new town away from my parents. After saving up money my freshman year, I moved into an apartment with one of my dearest friends I made while being a Lionette in the university's band. I loved living in the apartment and having that sense of independence. However, when our third roommate graduated and moved out and we could not find a replacement, life hit hard and I had to ask my parents for help with some of my bills. I hate asking my parents for money. Hate it. I like working and knowing I can provide for myself. But life happens. And I learned that it is okay to ask for help. Asking for help doesn't mean you are weak, dumb, or incapable. We all come across tough times. The next semester, my roommate and I decided it would be best if we both moved home to save some money.
Moving home after a year allowed me to better appreciate my parents' love and guidance and I am forever grateful and blessed that they welcomed me back home. It was then that I also realized that other kids (I still consider myself a kid) my age were not so fortunate to have parents willing and able to help them in such ways.
Moving home also brought to light how much young adults shame others their age who move home with their parents. Perhaps I noticed this because in a way I felt as if they were shaming me for my transition back home. Whatever the case may be, moving home taught me that each of us has a unique situation. Some of use leave home and never return. Some of us always stay home. Some of us leave and later return. Our stories/journeys/situations/needs/wants/finances/hopes/dreams/passions/goals/limitations/lives are all so different.

These are my roommates. They are pretty darn cool if you ask me. 

Which brings me to... 

4.) Having a savings account should be a top priority.

I've been back home with my parents for two years now and my savings account is still no where near where it was before I decided to move out. I currently have about a fourth of what was in my savings pre-move and over the past couple years I have (slowly) tried to reestablish my savings account to the point it was before I moved out. Saving money is HARD. No one ever tells you how hard it is. I remember taking a financing class in high school. "Just put some money back each pay check and BAM! you have $1,000+ in a year!" What they failed to mention was how to save that much money in that short time span while paying for college, gas, food, clothes, etc. all on minimum wage. 

My small savings account taught me several things:

a. Having money does NOT mean you can afford something. 

Sure, I have $200. But I do not have $200 to spend on shoes.

Sure, I have $20. But buying Starbucks daily means that $20 is no longer available to fill my gas tank.

Sure, I have $150. But I do not have $150 to spend on an outfit that I'll maybe wear twice. 

b. Learn to say "NO". 

I've had to be the Debbie Downer who has had to say no to going places because of monetary reasons. While it sucks in the moment, not having any money later and having a ton of debt sucks more. 

c. Differentiate between needs and wants. 

Do you really need that overly priced shirt from that boutique that literally everyone in town has? Probably not. 

5.) There is such thing as social media etiquette. 

Here is a crash course to Social Media Etiquette 101:

a. Filters are cool and all but remember that most people on social media actually see you in person.

Meaning: If your filters/edits on your pictures make you look unrealistically crisp and perfect, people who see you in person will without a doubt know you spent way too much time taking/picking/editing your pictures. There are not filters in real life. Love and appreciate the skin you are in, no filters and all! 

  

No filters. 

 

Too many filters to even list.

b. If you post pictures all day everyday on Instagram yet have "46 posts" within the last 5 years you've had an account... we all know you play the deleting game. 

Meaning: Why go through all that trouble of deleting pictures? Just leave your posts posted. We all know you uploaded them; it's been all over our news feeds all day everyday. It's no secret.

c. Your worth is not found in the number of "likes" you receive.

Meaning: Post a picture because you like it. Do not post a picture because you want others to like it or to like you.

d. Deleting a picture because it did not get as many "likes" as you wanted is just silly. 

Meaning: Your worth is not found in the number of "likes" you receive. (See part c) If anyone looks at your picture and says, "Oh my goodness! How can he/she live with themselves! He/she got only 10 likes on that picture?! How does he/she have any dignity?! How does he/she show his/her face in public?!" then those people need to get a hobby and should not spend so much energy creeping on social media. It is sillier to delete pictures and repost them in hopes of getting more likes than to post a picture once and receive a few "likes".

e. "Liking" your own picture is just silly.

Meaning: We all know you like that picture you just posted. If you didn't like it, you wouldn't have posted it. If you "like" your own picture to increase the amount of "likes" you receive, then please revisit part c.

f. Live in the moment. 

Meaning: You do not have to take a picture of everything you do and/or everywhere you go. Doing fun things and spending time with the people you treasure gets somewhat tainted when you feel the need to prove your fun nature with your social media followers.

How It Feels To Be Mixed Me

I have been going back and forth on whether or not to write a blog about my being mixed for quite some time now. I would open up a blank template on my computer and stare at the glaring screen only to close it out and leave it the way I found it; blank. Part of me felt as though I needed to put into words what exactly it meant to be mixed. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't quite know what it meant to be mixed. And perhaps I still don't know exactly, even after 21 years of living in this skin.

The reason I felt compelled to share these thoughts now, though my uncertainties still linger, is that through all the stories dealing with race currently circulating on the news and social media, I couldn't help but think about how my viewpoint as a biracial woman compares to those around me. I may not be able to pinpoint exactly what it means to be mixed but being mixed subconsciously impacts most every aspect of me.

Props to my parents for an ever-flowing list of things, but most importantly for giving me and my older brother a great childhood. I don't have any memory during my early childhood of being singled out due to my race by my mostly white peers. However, I knew that I differed in that fact that my parents had different colored skin. The beautiful thing about children is their ability to recognize differences but not necessary oppose others due to those differences. Meaning, my classmates knew I was not fully white but it was not a topic of conversation because it didn't need to be. The same for myself: I knew my skin was darker and my hair kinkier with curls, but I didn't dwell on those things because I didn't see any reason to.

Instead of finding our identity in our race, my mom taught us that your identity can only be found in Christ and Christ alone. It wasn't until years later that I would understand that statement.

She didn't hide the fact from us either that some people might treat us different because of the color of our skin. It wasn't until years later that I would understand that statement either.

As I entered into those dreaded preteen adolescent years I struggled deeply with self confidence issues. Like most girls, I wanted to be thinner and change various aspects of my physical self. But one thing I began to struggle the most with was being mixed. I hated my hair the way it wasn't flowy like all my friends. I hated my round nose covered with freckles. I hated that in class pictures, I was the odd ball with my yellow-toned skin.

As boys became an interest, I remember me and my friends giggling and interjecting on which guy we thought each other should date. Every time, I was set up with a black guy. It made me mad. Not that I didn't see myself dating a guy who was black, but rather they saw me and immediately thought I should only date guys with darker skin. I wanted to be like everyone else at my predominately white county school and just blend in, and once again my skin made me stand out. When one of my white friends would compliment the looks of a black guy, it was always mentioned that "he's attractive.. for a black guy" or "my parents would never let me date a black guy".

But wait.

These same people were the ones who welcomed me into their home and spoke nice words about my parents and befriended my whole family. Did they not see that my dad, a white man, married my mom, a black woman? Why was my parents' relationship something that my friends' parents did not want for their white daughters? Where does that leave me, the daughter of a biracial marriage?

I put away those thoughts deep in the back of my mind and carried on.

I remember going boating with my dad one sunny summer afternoon. Instead of going on the main strip of the river, we liked to stay on the creek in the country. My adventurous dad decided we would turn a different way and we found ourselves on a portion of the creek where houses were few and far between. I looked past the overgrown weeds and saw a small trailer with several confederate flags on display pinned to the aluminum siding, on the clothesline, and in the surrounding trees. I asked dad if we could go home. He didn't understand why but we did. This was several years ago, long before the debates on the confederate flag flooded the news and Facebook. But as a 14 year old mixed girl, a strange feeling whelmed inside me and I knew that I shouldn't be there.

My freshman year of college was the first time anyone had bluntly shown racism to me. I was out with one of my friends with some guys from her school. This was several years ago so I don't remember exactly what led to the incident (and frankly I wanted to forget what happened) but one of the guys began talking about how black and white people should not date or get married. The car grew silent because everyone knew I was mixed. One of the other guys finally spoke up and asked his friend to be quiet, saying "Don't you know Rebecca is mixed?" His friend laughed and said that he didn't care; he could say whatever he wanted to say whenever he wanted to say it.

I am a firm believer that there is a vast difference between a reason and an excuse. A reason answers the question why? but often times our reasons turn into excuses, which is an attempt to lessen  an offense and to justify our actions in a way that puts the blame away from ourselves. There is a reason why I felt mad when my friends only suggested black guys for me to date, why I was confused their parents were opposed to them dating black gentlemen, why I felt uncomfortable around the confederate flag, and why I cried when I got home after the guy bashed mixed relationships. It all goes back to race. As a child it never phased me, but children's innocence shields them from such feelings. Growing up, I tried to not make race an issue but subconsciously it was. We can claim that race doesn't matter, when in fact it does. But here is the difference: My mom was right when she told me and my brother that some people would treat us differently because we are mixed; I realized that soon enough. She was also right when she said our identity is found through Christ and Christ alone. I am not Rebecca The Mixed Girl. I am Rebecca, Christ-follower, who happens to be mixed. At the end of the day, we are all people. Not white people and black people, just people. That isn't to say we should overlook race. Race is a big part of each of us. It is a reason why we are the way we are in a lot of ways.

I may still not be able explain what it means to be mixed, but I think to everyone it may mean something different. But just as Zora Neale Hurston ended her great work How It Feels To Be Colored Me: "who knows?"

18 year old Becca was so dumb.

Hold on tight. I’m about to get sappy up in here.

I remember always rolling my eyes whenever people older than me would say, “Friendships are harder to keep once you graduate high school.” Growing up in the pin-sized town of Killen, Alabama, I was surrounded by the same quaint group of friends. We shared practically everything together. Even if all we did was sit around and watch paint dry, we were sitting around watching paint dry together. (We never actually watched paint dry but you understand my expression, right?) I always had several options of people who were willing to be my lab partner even if all I did was copy their answers, always had a group to sit with during snack break, and always had a group of friends to save me a seat in crowded assemblies.

It wasn’t until after we all went our separate ways that I truly realized how much I loved and appreciated our friendship.

I remember washing my hands in the girls’ bathroom when a very prominent, popular girl in my class began washing her hands beside me. As we both finished washing our hands she looked up at me and said, “I really admire you and the friendships you and your friends share. I really wish I had close friends like you have.” I can get awkward super duper fast. It’s like a reflex instinct. It’s like I become aware of every inch of my being and my arms feel 10 feet long and I have no idea how to even move them.  I’m sure I did some weird “uh” and “duh, um, er” noises before finally forming words. I don’t know what it is about being approached by people that turns me into a mess. Maybe it was because I was thrown so off guard. Here is the girl who everyone in the school knows, who wins everything she ever runs for, who would eventually go off and make a big name for herself at one of the largest schools in the state.  And this all-around stunner of a girl was jealous of me. I’m not sure what exactly I said back to her; I’m sure after stuttering out random noises I formed a sentence pertaining to how blessed I was to have such a close-knit group of friends. She smiled at me and walked out of the bathroom and with that, I walked out too and didn’t think twice about her statement until two years later.

Here I am: two years older. A lot of joys/crappy crappy crap/ stress/ laughs/ sobs can be sprinkled within such a short span of two years. I look back at the 18 version of myself and just laugh. What is it about being 18 years old that makes us feel so invincible? Like making the transition from 17 to 18 somehow deems us to be wise and all knowing. While I will probably reflect on the 20 year old version of myself and lower my head in pity at how naive I was/am, I know this to be true without a doubt: We don’t truly appreciate what we have until it is gone.

I always knew I was blessed to have a group of friends to turn to during some of the roughest years of life that is the four years of high school, but it wasn’t until my dear friends moved away to start new lives for themselves that I realized how much I took for granted having them so accessible. What I thought was nagging advice proved to be true: true friendships take a conscience effort to maintain.

Today, the 20 year old Rebecca has three amazing girl friends that make that conscience effort to stay in touch. With one moved 5 hours away in Georgia, another nearly 3 hours away in Tuscaloosa, and another here in Florence still with me but starting her journey tucked away studying in nursing school, it would be natural for each of us to get caught up in our new normal routine. We go days, even weeks, without speaking and sometimes months without seeing one another. This past weekend, our schedules finally freed up and allowed all four of us to gather in the same central location. It was as if we never moved our separate ways and we just picked up where we left off.

I look back at the moment in the bathroom with the popular girl in my class. She always seemed to have her life in perfect order. Maybe it was just my selfish teenage tendency, or perhaps my inability to observe other people’s unspoken words that kept me from truly seeing her. She didn't have her life all figured out like I thought she did. Sure, she is now doing fantastic things at one of the state’s largest most prestigious schools. But her 18 year old self seemed to be longing for something more than titles and awards. All she wanted and needed was a friend; not just another acquaintance but an actual friend. My 18 year old self was so blind to just how valuable friendship truly is.

Sometimes in the midst of the laughs/ sobs/ pleasant moments shared between me and my Shawties (yes me and my friends refer to each other as the “Shawties” because we are undercover gangsters), I think about just how different my life would be without them. I never want to fall short on preserving the friendship I have with those girls. Now here I am, two years older, two years wiser, being the nagging person I use to roll my eyes at during my teenage years. Friendships really do become harder to keep after graduating high school. However, just like wine becomes better with age, so do friendships. 

18

20

10 Reasons Why New Girl Is Every Girl's Favorite Show Ever In The History Of Forever: 

1. The longer you stare at Jess and CeCe, the more you convince yourself that you can pull off bangs. 

Expectation:

Reality: 

2. You realize there are other people on planet Earth who cope with stress, and life in general, with weird facial expressions, singing, dancing, etc. 

3. Going out sounds fun but in the end, some of the best times are had while at home chillaxing with yo realz. 

4. If truth be told, you would much rather dance silly than grind at da club. 

5. They say exactly what is on your mind, in a quirky way that speaks to your heart and just makes you love them more. 

6. Jess doesn't apologize for being her weird, awesome self. 

7. The more episodes you watch, the more you start self-analyzing trying to figure out which character you are most like. 

8. Jess shares your love of pajama sets. 

9. You want to put an ad on Craiglist looking for 3 male roommates because obviously guys beat girls in the race of best BFFs/roomies. 

10. You want a Jess/Nick relationship. 

Basically, Jess is every girl's spirit animal.